Wednesday, June 16, 2010

The last few months.....

HI to everyone out there. So I have neglected the outside world for a while just to reflect on things, take care of myself and live life. Some think that I have ignored them, avoided them, etc. Really this is just not the case. I simply have not had time for any extra b.s.

When you step back for awhile to just watch life surrounding you, you tend to realize who your friends are and who really gives a crap and the others you realize how they can abuse you, your talents, etc. Well what I have come to realize is this.... they are big boys and girls and well shit they need to figure the world out for themselves and quit being co-dependent on everything.

Also I have had some pretty major health issues. I was in the hospital about 2 months ago and found out some major things happening to my body. Well.... my body doesn't like me. .... and honestly I don't like my body right now. Lots of fucked things happening that just simply do not make logical sense. My Grandmother had Multiple Sclerosis and I am showing symptoms (early onset) of the disease. I have yet to find out if it is what it is but for now I have a diagnosis of fibromayalgia. Personally I think this is a bullshit answer to be diagnosed with. For years I have had pain that was unexplainable. My energy is up and down and I fight everyday to stay cheerful and pretend like I can get through it. It is a fight. I hate not feeling well. For a long time I was active in everything, i used to go out dancing, would go on walks, take exercise classes. Started getting into Yoga and Pilates a bit and then all this started happening. My energy most of the time if you are talking on a scale of 1-100.... my level would be between a 20 some days whereas other days my level is maybe a 60 most other days.

When I went to the E.R. a couple of months ago - Literally I had gained 30 lbs in 4 days with unexplainable reasoning why. Seriously my fingers looked like sausages and they threatened to cut off my wedding rings if I didn't get them off immediately. Most days if I have been on my feet for a bit they look like Flintstone feet. Anyone that knows me knows I LOVE high heels. Well looky there... I cannot bear wearing them for very long as my feet will start screaming..... I fricken hate flats unless they are beautiful sandals. I purpously buy larger shoes so that when my feet turn into giganto that I can be somewhat comfy. It is just ridiculous. ... Also I am a shoe HOG so what it has come down to is very soon I will have to start going through all of my shoes and believe me I could fill up a closet just w/ shoes. Do you wear a 9--- 9 1/2? Let me know and I will let them go cheap. :)

Anyway all of you that read this I appreciate all of you and hope that you are all well. If it seems like I have ignored you in anyway I apologize. However there is no reason that one person had the audacity to try to embarrass me and e-mail over 3,000 people suggesting to them that I am some type of ass, when in fact you had not a clue to reasons beyond my own control of what was happening and at the time I didn't even know what was happening, but evidently it was bad enough to where I had to stay in the hospital for a number of days...... THUS not a response to your phone calls... texts, etc. (You know who you are). Also the fact that I have a family to take care of including my husbands illness for the last eight years which goes up and down as well. I mean shit... the man has almost died twice in the last 8 years. Imagine having to deal with that and trying to figure out that as well. Life is a roller coaster. There are just some things that are much more important than pleasing everyone. Honestly, family is always more important and when it comes down to it I choose family over any project, deadlines, etc. I could be rude about it but I do not hold the grudge and people who actually know me know better. Bygones.... I am willing to let it go, and I am not expecting any sort of apology... but simply to move on.

Anyway... moving on. The Lifeblood show has opened up. It is an amazing show with incredible artists. Although some of the work may be offensive to some it is actually quite interesting. To me the show represents Life and the power of women. We can have our monthly stuff going on but to me the creation of life and the miraculous things that happen during this process. It is truly amazing. Jennifer Weigel has done an amazing job putting this project together. The core group of artists involved are Lisa Becker, Danielle Correll, Annette Crymes, Marsh heck, Christine Ilewski, Aunia Kahn, Arlene Ligori, Barbara Merlotti, Janice Nesser, Pat Owoc, Roxanne Phillips, Evie Shucart, and the creator Jennifer Weigel. Each of these lovely ladies has incredible talent.

Currently the exhibit is at Florissant Valley Community College -- If you go to their library area there is a fantastic contemporary art gallery -- It will be up till the end of the month of June 2010 so catch it if you can.

Anywho I am pooped out ... off to sleepy time.

Love ya all!



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